our crosshairs on more than seventy characters you love to hate. Here
are just few to wet your appetite. The images in orange indicate a
sample piece from the book. Just click on the image or the title to
read it all.
Can't You Just Get a Cab to the Abortion Clinic? Look, I'm not trying to be a prick here, and
I know that this is probably a pretty tough time for you and all,
but if there is some way around me driving you to the abortion
clinic, that would be cool, 'cause I'm, like, super busy.
Darling, If You Really Loved Me, You'd Bleach Your Asshole I knew you were going to react like that.
Welcome to Every Date Ever Oh, hi, how's it going? It's me. Every girl ever.
My Fantasy Football Team Is Unstoppable You know what's crazy? I am only spending
about twenty to thirty hours a week on my fantasy league team.
I Am So Naked in This Locker Room No thanks. Don't need a towel. Towels are necessary
only after either showering or working out.
I'm a Real Fan My team needs me. That's why I always wear my uniform.
America Is for Americans You know if weren't for foreigners, we wouldn't
have any terrorists?
I'm Just Like One of the Guys Hey, fellas! I know this is supposed to be guys'
night in, but I thought you might be willing to make an exception
for little old me. After all, I'm totally just like one of the guys!
I Have Amazing Taste In Music Now, their earlier stuff, that's where it's at.
Do you have their first album? Oh, man, you don't know what you're
missing. They're too over produced today. They've become too commercialized.
Damn, My Penil-Thin Beard Is Perfect I can't believe I almost gave up and shaved this
thing off last month.
These Personalized License Plates Should Get the Word
Out That I'm a Huge Douchebag It's kind of funny to think that there are actually
people out there who are driving around with nonpersonalized license
I Am the Greatest Pretend Worker This Company Has I've been working as a help desk computer technician
for three years now, and I can honestly tell you that I haven't
done an ounce of work since I've been here. Not one.
I Should've Been a Drug Dealer This nine-to-five is really getting to me. College
was supposed to be my way out of the ghetto, but I feel more trapped
than ever. I should've been a drug dealer.
Oh, a New Screensaver. And It's Free! Hmm. My computer is running kinda slow now...
Read My Blog! OMG OMG! Don't tell anyone. SHHHHHHHhhhhhh. I'll
tell you more in my BLOG!!
By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead By the time you read this, I'll be dead. Or maimed.
Or maybe just napping. I really not sure. I'm kind of playing it
You Can't Plinko for Shit, You Dumb Bitch Are you retarded, lady? Because if so, I'll give
you a pass. But anything short of Down's would make you the worst
Plinko player in the history of "The Price Is Right!"